It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
