she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
