so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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