You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
