WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
