i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
