I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
