How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You don't make any sense
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