Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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