so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
