Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
