and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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