You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
