He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
