yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
