just come out here and I will go home with you...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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