dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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