nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
