she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
