He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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