Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
