Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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