i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.