help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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