Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
