Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"