remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
