you traded sex for a burrito?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
