He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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