I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live