ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
