It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
