the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
