It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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