new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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