remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
