Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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