A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
