I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He better not be in your backpack
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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