You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
