Is it because I queefed?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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