We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
