omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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