Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
