she looked like the before picture.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
