If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
