Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
