Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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