And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
