i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
