I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
