atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize