she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is that strawberry winking at me??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
