I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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