All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
