This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
They are going to name an STD after you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
