On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
