I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
