Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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