My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
