Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
