She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
