hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
