DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
