Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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