You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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