It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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