My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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