True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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