Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
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Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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