Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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