some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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