i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.