Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
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When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
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I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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