I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
