i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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