You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
