I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i dont even know how to be here
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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