I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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