I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
