dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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