Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
