I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
